10 October 2012

Asher Charles McKinley

Here are just a couple photos from the most cherished moments as our new family of three.
After twenty eight weeks of experiencing a picture perfect pregnancy the life we knew came crashing down around us as one sentence changed our lives forever. Abruptly, I experienced decreased fetal movement, but after a visit to my doctor she assured me there was nothing to worry about. Unsatisfied with this answer, a week later I returned to the doctor to hear the words every pregnant woman dreads "your baby does not have a heartbeat". In that moment and in the days and week to come we have experienced the most profound, spiritual, life changing, heart wrenching, soul stirring events of our lives. Words cannot express the heartache one can feel in coming so close to having everything you could ever want, only for it to drastically change in the end. Words can also not express the peace, love and greater understanding which can come from soul altering events like this.


I have noticed a subtle whispering in my soul to be kinder, more patient and above all grateful for the amazing life we lead, trials and all. I realize not everyone has the opportunity to carry a child for any period of time, let alone give birth and hold that child in their arms. We feel blessed, watched over, cared for and above all overwhelmed by the love and support which has been manifested to us. I have never doubted my parents love me, but their ability to be there in our time of need and experiencing love so pure and kind overwhelms to reflect upon.

We have experienced the trial of our life, but it has also been the greatest reminder of how we are not experiencing this life alone. We can control our reactions, make the best decisions we can, prepare for the future, but after that we have to turn things over to the Lord. There have been times where I have literally felt lifted up by the prayers and concern of others, the seemingly trivial things have been swept away in my life and I feel an increase in faith, love and a greater understanding of the importance of possessing an eternal perspective. While at the hospital one of the nurses said, "hold tightly to one another". Even though we felt an endless amount of love for each other before, the mutual love and understanding we now have is one which will be forever be imprinted on our souls.



I delivered our son, Asher Charles McKinley on October 3rd at 7:36am. He weighed 2 lbs 7.5 ounces. It came as no surprise he had a long and skinny build just like his father. He was tiny, perfect, all we could have hoped for and more. It was a sweet and special time together as a family. From the way Cameron looked at me each and everyday while I was pregnant, to excitement in the air amongst family and friends, to giving birth and being able to hold Asher it was all worth it. We are especially grateful at this time for the knowledge families can be together forever. The past week has been the most profound and spiritual time in our lives. Our love for not only each other, but our extended family has grown by leaps and bounds as has our faith. We have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of care and concern we have felt from our friends and family alike. We are appreciative of all the thoughts and prayers on our behalf and feel inadequate in how we can ever repay each person for their love and kindness.

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."

― Epicurus

15 comments:

Jeff & Janelle said...

Beautiful words. I admire your strength and perspective. We pray for you daily. Happy Birthday this weekend!

Eileen said...

I'm thinking of you, Lisette. Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts.

West Seattle Mapes said...

Sending love your way.

Tara H said...

This is so beautifully shared Lisette.

Tavia said...

I am in awe of your beautiful perspective and gratitude in the midst of trial. I am so grateful to hear that you are feeling so much love, peace, and support.

Queen of Kings said...

You are an amazing example of faith to me in 'the trial of your lives.' I believe there is nothing harder in this life than lost hopes and dreams for a child who all too soon is asked to return home. We love you! What a beautiful photo of you and Asher and what remakable parents you and Cameron are to seek the good threw the hardest times. May heaven be so close to your little family.

Lisette said...

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. We have literally been lifted by them.

Jessica said...

I found your blog via a link on Mara Kofoed's blog. I am touched by your strength and testimony! Just 4 weeks ago, our little girl Elaine Raquel, at 34 weeks along, came into this world stillborn (http://www.dyerfamily-est2011.blogspot.com/2013/02/elaine-raquel-dyer_7.html). And similar to your experience, I felt less kicking one day after a picture perfect pregnancy, and her heart had just stopped beating. I find hope and strength as you share your experience and am so grateful for the comfort we share in our knowledge of the gospel!

Lisette said...

Hi Jessica-

I am so happy you left a comment on my blog. We have such a life changing thing in common, I think we are destined to be friends. Just the other day I was telling my husband I needed a friend who lost her first child as a stillborn. Everyone I have met so far already had several children when they had a stillborn and I feel when it is your first it is extra hard and devastating.

Grace to You said...

I too lost a baby before birth, and as I grieved I finally asked the LORD why He would create a child, knowing that child would not live very long - what was the purpose? I heard Him say to me, as clear as if He was speaking in an audible voice, "I wanted that child - I created that child for myself."

Oh, how blessed I was to be the one He chose to nurture that life for those few brief months! And, to paraphrase David, "He will not return to me, but I will go to him." So thankful you have the same assurance!

sarah k said...

Thank you for sharing your story and the beautiful pictures. I am going into the hospital tomorrow, at 26.5 weeks, to deliver our precious son whose heart stopped beating a few days ago. We knew this was a possibility as we found out 6 weeks ago that he was very ill. But it is still heart-rending and terrifying and devastating. We do have three living children, but this will be our third loss in a row (the previous losses were first-trimester miscarriages) and so I deeply doubt that we will ever have another biological baby. I am learning that in a grief like this, there are so many layers of pain.

I know no two experiences are exactly the same. But I am deeply, deeply sorry for your loss. I think it is beautiful that you honor your sweet son by writing about him. It is doubly sad to me when such losses are borne silently. I am sure your son felt your love all the time you carried him, and sees it now. For us the time until we see them again is very long. But for them I hope and think it is very short.

I wish peace for you, and strength, and courage for the hard, hard days.

elegraph said...

God bless and comfort you and your husband. Thank you for sharing your story.

Suzette Quan-Reneau said...

I linked to your blog via decortoadore.blogspot.com. Yesterday Laura shared your heartfelt story on her blog. I was moved by your amazing strenght and gratitude throughout this experience.
May the Lord embrace you and your husband with his loving kindness and shower you with his sweet blessings.
Also,thank you for touching the lives of many families who are facing difficult times.


BP said...

What a beautiful family. That quote at the end gave me chills. I think you are a phenomenal person...may God's grace be with you and your bright future!

Mara Kofoed said...

Dear Lisette - this post just warmed my heart so much. What beautiful words you have written and what a life changing, profound, sacred experience. I am amazed at how powerful love is...and reading your post was such a wonderful testament of that. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for your strength. Much love, Mara

P.S. Danny and I both love the name Asher so much. It's actually on our short list of names if we ever had a little boy.